Dear Abby,

Dear Abby,

My Humans got me a bunch of toys for last Christmas and I kept them in good shape. I really appreciated them and enjoyed them.

With Christmas around the corner, I am growing concerned. I would love to have some new ones for variety, what if my Humans feel that I don't need any more toys? Is there something that I could do to encourage them to get me more toys? Is there some time left for them to get them?

"Concerned Canine"


Dear Concerned Canine,

Don't be concerned! There's good news for you and all others in this situation!

Pay careful attention to my advice. First you must gather up all your favorite and non-favorite toys. Then begin to detach some eyes of the toys; give a pull on a loose thread at the seam of a plushie; chew on a corner of a rubber toy... you get the idea. It will take no time at all to see some "distress" or worn spots begin to appear on your toys.

Don't be concerned with tearing or chewing up a favorite toy of yours. This method has two added benefits! Fisrt, you will have new "favorite" toys. Secondly, this "chewing" activity promotes healthy gums and strong teeth!

Below are some examples of my favorite toys, I just got these in November when I came to my new home! See! It really takes no time at all!

I chewed off the nose of this hedgehog!

By removing the eyes of this squirrel, it never saw me coming!

Give the ear and the lable tag a shred. It works in a pinch!

This one my favorite! Remove the eyes and tear an arm!

After modifying your toys a bit, remember to add in your special "puppy eyes"! It works everytime! Also with 6 "shopping days", there is plenty of time for your humans to shop for new toys. They will be making lots of "quick" shopping trips to the mall, grocery stores and even those "Dollar" stores! Toys for canines can be found in practically all stores!

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas,
a.k.a. Abby

P.S. An added advice, next year begin the alteration of your toys the day after Thanksgiving to avoid the Christmas rush


Anonymous said…
Dear Abby,
I have found that most humans are a bit slow so do you think that maybe we need to give them some extra hints as to what we want in the way of new toys?
Abigail, a.k.a. Abby said…
Dear Anonymous,
I have found that what you have said is true, therefore, I recommend that you walk up to your humans with your poor eyeless, de-armed, destroyed toy in your mouth with that expert beagle forelorne look, with those sad eyes and look up and think of Tiny Tim from Scrooge. This should get the message across to any human.
Bored said…
Dear Abby,
My humans are lazy and will not play with me. I want to run and romp and have fun. How do I gat my humans to play with me?
Abigail, a.k.a. Abby said…
Dear Bored,
What you need to do is to act as if you are not interested in playing and before long your humans will be tossing a frisbee and wanting you to run get it, but what you do is to sit there with a look on your face that says, "Are you nuts, you threw the thing you go get it," and they will. And they will throw it again and again. Humans are really dumb and easy to train.

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